Adults Don't Apologize

Pointing the finger at someone is a lot easier than taking the blame, but at some point in life, you have to be the bigger person and take accountability for your actions. It has become the new norm to cut people off or to avoid confronting your problems, and go on about your way. Not saying that this is wrong, but for some instances, an apology or changed behavior can go a long way.



We have all cut or blocked someone out of our lives because they have done silly shit that made you see them differently. Trust me, my block list has increased dramatically since I graduated college...and I'm perfectly fine with that. It's even worse when someone cannot admit that they were wrong. But hey, shit happens...

 

I can hear my parents now:

“Everybody ain’t ya friend.”

 

Now I'm no saint, and I'm usually the first one to cut someone off without explanation, but at some point, apologies between adults (even kids) need to become a thing again. Nah, I don't want to hear, "I'm so sorry." That's honestly the last thing on my mind. What I would appreciate more would be a change in actions or behavior, understanding the principle behind the situation, and knowing how you messed up. I guess if your'e blocked, it's not worth it at that point; but there are people in your life who have repeatedly done you wrong, and you have done nothing but just accept it as that is who they are.


After a talk with my close friends about accepting apologies from parents, the conversation took a turn. Parents don't know how to apologize, or they feel like they do not need to. Everyone is raised differently, including them. Parents may raise their kids based on the traumas and decisions that they faced growing up, and our lifestyles and decisions usually differ from theirs. Sometimes they act based on what worked best for them, or what they feel is best for the child, but things get tricky when they have to accept their "child" is a grown ass adult. I pay my own bills and live in my own home, so yes, we may disagree on certain things, but you cannot say that its disrespect just for the simple fact that you are the parent. The boundary between being a parent or any adult relationship needs to be set, because some of us see and speak to our parents the same way we speak to our friends. At some point, the accountability comes into the picture, and it should be understood that in my 20 something years of becoming, I can associate the difference between what is right and wrong based on my life experiences, the same way you raised a child based on yours. Even as adults, we are still learning from our parents, so we still look to them for guidance, as they learn and look to us for guidance too. The outcomes will always differ, but we all grow and react differently to similar traumas or life experiences. Sometimes it does not even warrant an apology, but an understanding that the gray area that we tend to ignore, is never an even distribution. That guilt or fault is larger on one person that it is compared to the other, and that is where the conversation or "apology" plays the major role.



This same concept comes into play when dealing with associates, friends, and relationships. You don't have to be overly apologetic, but understand how to move forward when someone crosses a boundary that you have previously set. Boundaries are set for a reason, and you should stand on them. Take note of the red flags, and stop ignoring them and giving people a pass, because it only hurts you more in the end. Understand that when toxic situations or toxic people come into your life, they notice what you allow them to get away with. We have to understand that just as much as we want an apology, we cannot accept or allow people to continue doing what we want them to apologize for.


Remember that growth starts from within, and a clear mindset allows you to focus on the bigger picture.


-mike.